Growing Up


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Lemmi start with telling you a few things about myself. I am shy and confident at the same time. I have been called weird as well as special although sometimes I wonder whether there is a difference. My mouth also goes before me more often than not. I wish there was a way to explain this but there really isn’t. The truth is, my mouth betrays me. It speaks before I can think. For a long time, I thought that for this reason I was weird. Then I read Americana by Chimamanda and realized we were exactly the same as Ifem. From then on, I made peace with the fact that I will sometimes say something and then spend the rest of that day if not my life wishing I hadn’t. While I no longer consider myself weird for this reason, I find it special that in spite of this trait I am a very good therapist.
Another fact about myself; I am paid to LISTEN.

Before I go any further, lemmi thank my friend for letting me invade his blog. I sort of had a writing itch but I’m too scared to commit to a blog of my own. Commitment, a problem I have: a fact about me. As you may have already learnt from cyber bullies, there is no better place for a coward with something to say than behind a keyboard. So, thank you for allowing me this.

So. this guy was gonna write about mid-life crisis but then he changed it to the quarter life crisis. Remember how I said my mouth speaks before I can think, that happened. While he was telling me about his writing progress I volunteered to write a piece on the same. Truth is, I should not have offered. I had not thought about it and wasn’t even ready. Quite honestly there is no way I can even afford the time. I work two jobs and my days don’t even have enough hours as it is. Anyway here we are.

I think the reason the idea of QLC resonated with me was because it’s a phase I too well understand. A phase I’m currently in. I had never thought of being 25 as having lived quarter a century. Not until my cousin turned 25 a few years ago and his father congratulated him for having seen quarter a century. I wish there was a more captivating story to this but it’s that. Since that moment, I looked forward to being 25 although I was just about two years short.

In case you are wondering I turned 25 in April this year, and the truth is there is nothing extra special about being on earth for quarter a century. Well, at least not for me. I slept at the age of 24 and woke up the next day officially a quarter century old. If I’m being sincere, that age came with the most confusion I had ever experienced. Maybe because I had really anticipated it, I became so aware of my age since that birthday. I still am; wonder if I’ll feel the same when I turn 26.
Anyway, lemmi allow you into my QLC experience.

The Profession

l always knew what I wanted to do since I was a kid. Okay, that’s not true, my career aspirations changed throughout the course of my education until I got my KCSE results. At that point, JAB narrowed down my options, but I made what was an informed decision all thanks to my then best friend. So, I chose Psychology. I was certain about it since that one year break you get before joining uni up until this year. I ate, slept, breathed and lived Psychology. if it was about further education it had to be a degree in the same field and if it was a job it had to be in the same industry. Between Jan and July this year, I had ‘changed’ my career about three times. I looked into HR, administration and PA. At some point I even got a school to specialize in HR.

The Religion

I should probably say that I am Catholic. I have been Catholic by choice ever since I could make that decision for myself. I never felt a doubt about it at any point. Even when I was in the midst of people where being catholic was unpopular, I was still proudly one. Fast forward to age 25 and a couple of months, I don’t know how I feel about being Catholic. Nothing happened, nothing changed to explain this change of heart. I just woke up one day and I didn’t feel the Catholic vibe. What’s worse is that Catholicism left me and it did not get me a replacement. It’s like how people just ghost you. One day you are in a relationship with this guy blowing up each other’s phones with texts and then the next he is not saying jack.

The Men

Truth is, this has been the most confusing part of my life QLC or otherwise. Having been brought up by women around women and with men that really fell short, it was obvious I was going to get a raw deal with this species. While there are enough stories about my interactions with men to write another blog, I’ll stick to just the confusion that has come with being 25. If I was to be blunt, since my birthday I have not liked a guy for more than 2 weeks. This is new for me because I’m one of those mamas who know from the word go. Unfortunately now, I am overwhelmed by a liking at the beginning which then disappears soon after. I mean, whether it is a new guy, a recycled guy, a guy who was previously platonic and is now making a move; my interest has stopped lasting long enough to help me establish if these men are guys I like or nah. I don’t know where this is coming from either but I guess it has to do with getting burnt severally.

In a nutshell, that is my almost first half of my QLC. It is such an uncomfortable place to be and in my opinion, a perfect recipe for messing up. Having thoroughly searched myself, researched and consulted widely I have decided to doing nothing. There is a reason they say if it’s working, don’t try fixing it. My 25 is not exactly in the best shape; so many lose ends, but I have figured I’m better of deferring a decision than making one that I’ll later regret. As long as I am not stopping the introspection I know this confusion too shall pass. Some of the things are getting clearer and the dust has settled on others. However, others are taking longer but 26 shall surely be better.


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